We made our daily phone call to the attorney’s office this morning and got the news we’d been waiting for!  Except it wasn’t at all what we wanted to hear.

We were told that the judge would reschedule for a few days later.  A week later and we find out that he is busy until October 28th!  That means we will have been here for a month with absolutely no progress toward bringing our little girl home with us.

My heart is so heavy right now.  I won’t be getting ice cream for a happy heart today, that’s for sure:)  I can’t even explain the emotions I feel right now.  I feel trapped.  I feel stuck.  Everything is out of my control. I feel depressed and even a little bitter.  You know, all the sweet things that a Christian woman should be thinking…

I keep thinking about all the what if’s.

I know, I know that isn’t the best thing to do, but I can’t help it!  I know God’s timing is perfect, but I am just so frustrated right now that that is the last thing I really want to hear.  I want to pack up my family and come home.  Back to a life where I can busy myself around the house and fold laundry and cook meals and clean out closets:)  I want to feel the crisp, cool, fall air.  I want Shabila to play with her new toys and meet her new family.  I want to start being a normal family.  I don’t know how much longer we can just sit around, day after day, waiting…

I promised that I wouldn’t write like this every time I felt down, but today is a day that it just can’t be masked by the fun adventures in Africa or the normal daily routine.

I think our prayer request is obvious: we need sustenance, we need patience, I need a heart change…

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